Finger Lickin' Fifteen

Tonight I finished this book. I don't know why this series entertains me so well. But it does. The characters are absolutely hilarious and I found myself laughing out lout, at least twice.

Lula is an ex-ho turned to working for a bounty hunter as a file clerk. She sometimes fills in with Stephanie to attempt to apprehend the bad guys. Stephanie is a terrible bounty hunter and relies on her relationship with a local cop or her relationship with another bounty hunter. Raaaaanger. He's finger lickin' good if you ask me. But you're not, so we'll move on.

Some killers are in town to assassinate the cook who will obviously win the barbeque cookoff. Lula witnesses the murder, then they come after her. She and her entourage enter the cooking contest and everything goes awry. The canopy catches on fire, the ribs fall on the ground, blah blah blah.

Ultimately, she catches the killers and everything right is restored in the world. The hamster is still alive. And Grandma Mazur is still alive. There have been FIFTEEN books, I just can't see how this is happening, but I'm enjoying it all just the same.

Especially coming off of My Sister's Keeper. If you read the book, go to the movie and leave about 20 minutes before it ends or else you'll need restraints to settle down your fury. If you watch the movie and don't read the book, call me, I'll tell you how it really ends. . .

I do have a quote. It made me laugh. Don't know if it will do the same for you but it was funny as shit when I read it. And again, just now to make sure it was funny:

"I thought back to Ernie as a kid. 'I can't remember him setting fires, but he did a lot of weird things. One time, he entered a talent show and tried to burp The Star-Spangled Banner,
And then he went through a period where he was sure he could make it rain, and he'd start chanting strange things in the middle of arithmetic. "Oowah doowah moo moo hooha." '

"Did it rain?"

"Sometimes."

"What else did he do? I'm starting to like this guy."

"He took a goat to the prom. Dressed it up in a pink ballerina outfit."

Now, that's funny. I took a goat to the prom too. Except I called him my boyfriend at the time :)

Why We Suck - A Feel Good Guide to Staying Fat, Loud, Lazy and Stupid

I'm not finishing this book. I read exactly 39 pages and decided it was time to move on. I like Denis Leary, really, I do. As an actor and as a comedian, he's absolutely hilarious. As a writer? He kind of sucks. I'm sure it has mostly to do with the content of this book. He wrote it very well, although he makes it very clear that he just threw out the ideas and left if up to his staff to put it into words.

I don't need a guide to staying fat and stupid. Actually, I'm quite the opposite. I'm not sure what type of audience this book was written for, but I'm pretty sure he doesn't care to specify or narrow it down any. Therefore, it was written for no one except Dr. Dennis Leary. That, my friends, is called a journal.

And, unless you're Anne Frank, Marilyn Manson, or Anna Nicole, I have no interest in reading your journal.

I find nothing funny in making fun of children with autism. I find nothing funny in making fun of working moms. And, I take personal offense to criticizing overweight mothers, doing their absolute best to raise decent children, with their weight being the least of their concerns.

I'll use his own words when explaining why you should not read this book. I only wish I had started reading it before the 7-day-return-rule had been enforced by Barnes and Noble:

"Put this book down. Right now. Do not buy it. Stop reading. Now. . . I am here to debunk and decalssify and otherwise hold up a brutally hones mirror to our fat, ugly, lazy American selves."

While I tend to agree with most of his points (in the one chapter that I actually read), I think that if you don't like America, GET THE FUCK OUT!

I'm moving on to better and brighter things. Denis! Stick to acting. And, if you happen to read this, I want my money back.

My Sister's Keeper

Holy crap! *warning* I will tell you how this book ends in this post, so if you have any interest in reading this book, or seeing the movie. Please, do not read any further. . .

All of the books I have read in the recent year or so have been very entertaining. However, that's just it. That's all they have been. Entertaining. This book, by the end, had me crying. And not just the teary-eyed crying. I'm talking full on sobbing.

Anna was created based on her genetics so that she could be used as a donor for her already born sister who has lukemia. As soon as she was born, Anna started the donation process with her cord blood being infused into her sister's body. After that, there were numerous procedures, invasive ones, that she continued to participate in.

When Anna was 13, she decided to sue her parents for medical emancipation. Not wanting to be a donor for her sister anymore. This action shook her family to its core. What you don't know, until the end of the book, is that it was her sister who asked her to do this. That she didn't want to continue to live the way she had, with most of her time being spent in the hospital, sick and always on the verge of death.

Ultimately, Anna was granted medical emancipation. Her parents left the courthouse to go to her sister's side in the hospital and Anna was asked to stay behind and fill out the paperwork. On the way home, her and her lawyer were in a car accident. Anna was killed. Her kidney was donated to her sister.

I can't believe that I have to wait almost a whole week to see the movie. If it is half as good as the book, it will be an awesome movie.